The Ash Gray Proclamation - Robert Pollard - Not In My Airforce - 1996

Glasgow on a chilly February Sunday late night is not the most hoping place place in the world. We made our way up the street, trying to follow the bad directions the well intentioned woman at the desk had given us. The first place we found that was open was an old man bar on an empty block called The Avalon.

The old Scots still in attendance were nice enough and the beer was certainly tasty after spending all day in the car. We decided to sample the house scotch, which was on sale for 2 Pounds, but for some reason the scotch tasted like tequila. At first we thought that perhaps the glasses hadn't been well washed, but ultimately we determined that this scotch just finished like tequila...and I fucking hate tequila.

We struck up a conversation with a couple of older scots about bars in the neighborhood and where we could find a place that would serve drinks late. They pointed us in the direction of Sauchehaugh street (which is where our geographically challenged receptionist had been trying to send us in the first place) and gave us some tips about the city. In typical Scottish fashion, the tips were fairly doom laden.

Old Scot - "Can't see why you'd want to spend a vacation here, this is town's a shit hole. But you can go to some of the bars on Sauchhaugh St. They're open late, and they're safe?"

Us - "Are there not safe bars?"

Old Scot - Nods solemnly

So, we made our way down Sauchhaugh St. which is basically just a row of college bars like you'd find in any American city. The primary difference being that the drinking age is 18 rather than 21, so the population of the bar is even younger...or at least less in need of a good fake ID.

We found a booth in the back, and tried not to feel helplessly old as we watched Scottish kids get drunk and make out. We stayed out till nearly 3 before throwing in the towel, happy that we still managed to squeeze some life into our a day that had been mostly spent in transit.

Pollard shows his softer side on this one. A nice acoustic song, of the sort he'd try more and more as the years wore on. Not the best thing on Not In My Airforce, but certainly not the worst.

Artificial Light - Robert Pollard - Waved Out - 1998

We found exactly what we were looking for on Schonhauser Allee. Curry Wurst places in Berlin are about like Pizza places in NYC. They are usually just small, brightly lit diners, they usually have a somewhat shady looking dude behind the counter, and they all claim to be the best in the city.

For the uninitiated, Curry Wurst is not actually curry flavored sausage, but a German bratwurst with curry sauce poured all over the top of it and generally served with fries. We ordered ours (Complete with over sized beer) and made our way to the back.

One of the more interesting things we observed both in the city in general, and in this establishment as a whole, was the popularity and legality of Texas Hold-Em poker. The restaurant advertised that it was a poker establishment, but all this really meant was that you were allowed to play in there and that they would provide you with the chips. So behind us was a a table of 5-6 German dudes, eating curry wurst, drinking giant beers, smoking and playing poker. It was sort of awesome.

It was definitely one of those moments where I wished the US didn't have such a giant stick up it's ass...and it seems as we head deeper into our economic mess, more and more states are relaxing their gambling guidelines. Though I do occasionally enjoy some poker, I'm not even much of a gambler. Never had the money to do it with any seriousness. But I'm generally against any puritanical law, and that one fits the bill.

Anyway, we finished up our meal and headed around town. We didn't have much luck locating the bars that had been suggested to us, and it was rapidly approaching midnight on our last night in Berlin. We decided to just find the first serviceable bar and grab a beverage. We found a quiet place off the beaten path and headed in...

Pollard's second solo album was much more consistent than his first, but of course the trade off came in terms of peaks. Not In My Airforce has too many tracks and many of them bad, but a few of them are amazing. Waved Out has few bad tracks (though Showbiz Opera Walrus might be the worst song he's ever done...and he's done a lot of bad songs)...but it is solid. But on the flipside, only Subspace Biographies (and to a lesser degree Whiskey Ships and the title track) manage to generate much excitement. This track doesn't display any of the embarrassing Pollard ticks, but again, it doesn't do much to thrill either.

And My Unit Moves - Robert Pollard and Doug Gilliard - Speak Kindly of Your Volunteer Fire Department - 1999

And now another song from this album. Sometimes a random assortment isn't that random. I guess that's how poker works. Sometimes you get numbers, sometimes you get a royal flush.

And yes, this song my very well be about Bob's wang. But with him, you just never know.

And I Don't (So Now, I Do) - Robert Pollard and Doug Gillard - Speak Kindly of Your Volunteer Fire Department - 1999

So a friend of mine wrote me to correct me on one of my blog postings:

"Dude…
The Romans never conquered the Greeks. The Romans actually defeated the Macedonians in 197 BC, at the battle of Cynoscephalae.
(I know, I know -- I'm being a snot. Bite me.)
They had to do that because the Macedonians had come out of the north and conquered Greece in 338 BC, defeating Athens in the battle of Chaeronea under Phillip II and his son Alexander (who later grew up to be Colin Farrell). The descendants of one of Alexander's generals ruled Greece for 150 years, and not nicely.
Before that, the Greeks spent about 100 years tearing at each other likes rats in a sack, in a series of civil wars (Athens vs. Sparta, Sparta vs. Thebes, Thebes vs. various hillbillies).
The Romans were actually seen as liberators and guardians of the peace (think us with England and France, right after WWII). They even tried to withdraw from Greece several times, only to have different Greek political factions keep pulling them back in to settle weird little feuds (think modern Iraq). And the Romans were way better at math and engineering.
All this was under the Roman Republic, 200 years before the Empire.
I tried to let the Patton quote go, BUT NOW YOU'RE KILLING ME!
And I'm never drinking tea near you again.
Regards. "

So there you go.

This track is one from one of Pollard's better solo efforts, though it also started a trend that would never again be a good thing for Bob. The trick works like this. Someone else gives him a tape of music they wrote. Bob then writes and sings the music. It worked with Gillard cause he was already a GBVer at the time...but some of the other attempts at this have been far less succesful. One of the great dissapointments of my life was the Mac McCaughan + Bob Pollard collaboration Go Back Snow Ball...it could have been awesome.

Always Crush Me - Guided By Voices - Alien Lanes - 1995

This is one of those tracks on Alien Lanes that most people think the album would be better off without. There's plenty of GBV weirdness to this track for connoisseurs: the sort of...Orientalism feel to the guitar track, like the attempt to play the sound track to a Charlie Chan movie, the "up two octaves past his range" last verse, and of course the gold mine of mid-period Pollard lyrics to be found within.

Alright - Guided By Voices - Alien Lanes - 1995

Ok, so shortly after bitching about how few GBV songs I've gotten to write about thus far in the project, this will be the second of three that have come this month.

The true genius of Bob Pollard is in his ability to capture great little moments from the canon of rock music and make an entire song out of them. Granted this can lead to some horrible frustrations, or the feeling that Pollard could have done more with his little gems...but few songs capture this more than "Alright".

Pollard seems to have said "you know that bit at the end of your random arena rock song that makes people wave their lighters in the air and sing along? What if that bit was THE WHOLE SONG!"

Genius I tell ya.

Alone, Stinking, and Unafraid - Guided by Voices - Unknown Late 90's Bootleg

It sort of amazes me that I haven't written about GBV more. Considering the sheer bulk of songs that have come out of the mind/pen/cassette tape of Robert Pollard and my willingness to buy about 75% of it, I figure that Pollard's music probably accounts for about 2.5% of the contents of my iPod...and considering that the current count is 10, 192...that's not inconsiderable.

A little bit of obscure anthropology for you. When one GBV fan meets another it must be immediately determined which tier of fandom the other exists at, because there are many.

Tier One: The Nostalgic - "Oh, I remember 'I Am A Scientist'...what a great song, that takes me back to my sophomore year..."
Tier Two: The Essientialist - "Yeah, I own Bee Thousand, it's one of the classic albums of the 90's"
Tier Three: The Indie Snob - "I own the albums from Propeller to Alien Lanes/Under Bushes, Under Sky/Mag Earwhig, but after he fired the band he was dead to me."
Tier Four: The Strict Constructionist - "I own all of the GBV albums (or everything since Propeller) but I don't mess with the solo records."
Tier Five: The Avid Fan - "I own all of the GBV records, and the well reviewed/well regarded solo work/side projects."
Tier Six: The Obsessive Compulsive - "I own ALL the GBV records, even the ones from before Propeller. I own all of the side projects and solo albums. I have an original press copy of Propeller from when they were on SCAT records. I saw them at Sudsy Malones on the Same Place The Fly Got Smashed Tour and I won a free dinner with Robert Pollard."

Tier Sixes exist to make us Tier Fives feel better about ourselves...."Well, I may have spent way too much money on Bob Pollard releases, but at least I'm not that guy. I have no need for the early records, or the current wierd side projects...but I do love Bob and all that he stands for.

Anyway, this song was originally released on the Lexo and The Lepers album (another of his bizarre side projects) which I do not own (I'm not that twisted) but it became a staple of the GBV live shows. Which is why having a bootleg version of it seems more appropriate than the anaemic studio version. The song does capture Bob's wonderful chip on his shoulder. He's a lone warrior standing bruised and bloody, yet defiant...defiant against what? and for what cause? are the questions to be asked...but answers are never the point with Bob...the defiant stance is the point.

Aerial - Robert Pollard and His Soft Rock Renegades - Choreographed Man of War - 2001

Of the solo records that Bob has released in the double O's (and there have been a lot of them) this one is the one that probably holds up the best. The rare Pollard track that stretches over 3 minutes, it is of course mostly instrumental. Just a reverb heavy guitar strumming. A little Uncle Bob vocal at the end...nothing to get too excited about, but also not the embarrassment that some later day Pollard can be (Red Ink Superman, anyone?)

Acorns and Orioles - Guided by Voices - Under Bushes, Under Stars - 1996

One of the few things I miss about the midwest is the sound of trains. I can think of few sounds more evocative than a train whistle blowing in the night, off in the distance. According to the GBV book, Hunting Accidents, Bob wrote this song after walking along the train tracks late at night smoking a joint. And as a fellow midwesterner, Bob captured it perfectly. The shimmery feedback- y noise in the back ground perfectly captures the sad foreboding that the of the song. And as usual, Pollard's trick of making a seemingly meaningless phrase heavy with implied feeling is wonderfully executed. By the time he's chanting "I can't tell you anything, you don't already know" you feel like the weight of 1,000, 000 fights rests on the back of those lyrics.

Truly a great, great song.

Accusations - Robert Pollard - Standard Gargoyle Decisions - 2007

And speaking of people who know or thing or two about hang overs.

Between 1990 and 2004 Bob probably wrote 20-30 songs that I absolutely love...since then, not that much. But I keep buying his solo albums, partially out of hope and partially out of loyalty.

This one is ok.