The Apologist - R.E.M. - Up - 1998

So anyway, we watch this Girltalk show after giving up on being down in the elbow fest that was the ground floor we decided to head up to the much more sedate second floor. The show wraps up and we head for the coat check...which is also on the second floor, so we get a relatively decent place in line.

Now, it was a cold night, and Girltalk is the kind of show that chicks dance at...so most people had worn heavy coats and then checked them into the coat check. The problem was, people show up in trickles...but they all want to leave at the same time. The coat check line quickly decended into chaos, and our place in line was of little importance.

Finally after easily 20 minutes of waiting, we make it to the front of the line. My lady friend had suggested that we give all five coat tickets to one of her friends, as she could lead with her cleavage. Seeing the wisdom of this plan, I turned over the tickets. However, when she collected the coats, she turned to me and said "They lost Anne's coat..."

So, I make my way up to the front to check out the situation, and at this point my temper was on edge. I talk to the floppy haired douchebag behind the counter and he tells me that he needs a description. So I say "It's a small woman's pea coat".

"Dude, I don't know what the hell a peacoat is."

Okay...now maybe I could have been more polite at this point, but I really was in no mood for this shit, so I responded with "It's the same fucking black boxy coat with the big anchor buttons that every fucking chick in New York City wears in the winter!"

At this point, Anne's friends pulled me away from the window, figuring the cleavage would do more good than my incohate rage. So they call Anne to come to the front to help identify it, but the problem is there is a bouncer in between her and the coat check window. And this tiny little prick decides that the only thing he can do in his futile effort at crowd control is to stop my tiny 108 pound girlfriend from claiming her lost coat.

"Sorry ma'am you are just going to have wait until everyone else clears out, I can't let you go up there."

It was at this moment that I basically went bat shit. He was considerably smaller than me, younger than me, and in over his head...so I just went in with both feet and started going off on the dude. Phrases that left my mouth included:
"Look, she's my girlfriend and she wants to stand up here so she can help sort out this mess, what exact problem do you think she's going to cause?"
"What are you going to do, escort me from the building? Try it."
"We paid you to watch our coats, and you incompetant fucks couldn't even handle that job right...I want her coat and I want it now."
"It's a Sunday night, I have to work tomorrow, I want to go home and get some sleep, and now because you all screwed up, I have to wait till this clusterfuck clears up to claim my girlfriend's coat. That's bullshit"

The floppy haired douchebag came out at this point and opinied (sadly, correctly) "this guy is a total asshole"

Finally they got their manager to come out, who actually spoke to me like a reasonable person and allowed Anne to find her coat. He even thanked me for being reasonable at the end of the night.

I suppose I could make a connection to The Apologist by saying something about oweing the staff of Terminal 5's coat check an apology, but frankly fuck those guys hard with both fists.

The song itself, is another decent track from REM's last decent album. Not my favorite on the album, but they've made far worse.